she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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