apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
