Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
