I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
