new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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