We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
