you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
