apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
