White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
