Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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