This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
