umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
