In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
