I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I need to stop coming to work sober
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
