Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
