i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
dude. I can hear the air.
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