My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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