how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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