I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize