The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
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Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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