U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
