Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
