WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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