Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
