you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
