proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
