It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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