there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
