I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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