yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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