My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
