How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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