the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
