and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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