I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You need Xanax blowdarts
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
This is classic penis vs brain.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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