I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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