My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
