Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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