East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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