We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
