u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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