onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
