never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
