I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize