singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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