R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
