it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
