even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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