That's intense
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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