Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
