I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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