you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
