Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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