dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
