No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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