I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize