Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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