I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
