she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
