I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
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i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
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If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"