Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.