i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?