Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
