I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
