remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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