He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
