Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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