i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
