Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
