My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
