Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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