pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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